If there's something I'am totally certain about,

it is that well, as obvious as it is, I may act like a stupid, headless chicken, but no, I beg you to assess your point of view again, 'Cuz I'am not. Or atleast, not as stupid as how you patronize and degrade me.

Clearly, I do a lot of crazy stuffs more often than anyone who have a decent respect for one's reputation do. I may yell and sing my heart out all the time, dance out of the rhythm, to go and mess up with anything but oh dear! How could you ever dictate to anyone the receipt for their own happiness? How could you ever stop a person from doing a thing if her own pleasure is at stake?

Believe me, the times that I've tried to behave and to be normal was already countless. I've tried so hard, I've put as much effort as I could to accomplish that mission but tragically, I always end up cracking in laughter. For how could I not? If for every second there's a person who'd come up to you and say, "Bigla ka atang tumahimik? Anong nangyari sayo Jam? Hindi ako sanay na ganyan ka.", "Uyyyy, ano nga? Bakit nga? Anong nangyari sayo?" And take it from me, it is like the whole world has suddenly sympathize with you after they've discovered you have a fatal brain cancer. And it is all just so funny thus making my objectives of being a Maria Clara-like fruitless.

Since I was a kid, I've already been known as someone who can't stay long seating and doing nothing all day. My parents even reckon that I might be an athlete someday for my endless energy for running and climbing up. I love laughing and being happy and putting as much color to my world. And up to the present, things seem to haven't change a bit.  I still am what I was before and I guess, will forever be. In this way, I've learned to live without the complex reality fogging up my multihued vision.

I know that the day would come that my life, all what I've done and didn't, would flash before me. Presently, all that I regret is those things that I held back myself from doing. And not to mention, I also regret those times that I'm having regrets.

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

For those people I've been with with my run, you all know how I deeply cherish you. And for those who'd like to be part of it, and who'd accept me for the way I am, I welcome you with my open arms :)
  
"Laugh as much as you breathe and love"

NOTE TO SELF.

I suppose you already know very well what await to those who expect. Uh-uh. You got it right. More likely nothing but the excruciating displeasure and distress. Jam, I don't want to, I hate to see you to end up with disappointment, AGAIN. So as early as of now, please, with all of the effort that you could exert, never allow yourself to be bruised and battered all just because  *insert noun here*

The only thing that I allow you is to muse and daydream about it. Yes, I permit you with all of the guaranteed butterflies and fireworks those activity comes with. From there, I draw the line. Darling, I do this because I care for you. And if you care for yourself too, I'm down on my knees, begging you please, to never take things such as this seriously ever again.

a well-deserved commemoration for the different facet of my life :)

For once in a while, a time for reflection is a necessity in order for us to be kept in the right path. To reconsider our previous actions, decisions and events, is something we needed the most to restrengthen our grip to ourselves and to the person we truly desire to be someday. From time to time, all we have to do is to drop our rucksack of burdens off and start to declutter.

COPING WITH CHANGES
I still miss Saudi Arabia, especially those people I've been with in there so much. There's no day that would pass without my old world stroking my thoughts. I still always make comparison between the past and the present and wonder how the future would be with if it is the people of my past I'm currently with. I still miss them, i still yearn for everything. But as days and weeks and months pass by, I'm learning how to live my life indepent from all of those. Gradually, my nostalgia is being toned down perhaps due to the diversion of my attention to the aggressive challenges of college, and or perhaps, due to the new relationships I've developed for the past period of time.


THE FUN IN BEING ABLE TO FIND A FRIEND
 I really can't help for my sentiments to overflow. Why? Refer to the 2nd paragraph of my old entry. I mean, BSN1-2 became really close to my heart as for the elapsed times and it is them that I've been with in repelling the darkness of the unknown in college. Especially due to those I came to know well, I happened to have new memorable memories to keep. My brimming gratitude to those who always try their best to make me and math and chem to understand each other, to those who make me laugh and made me feel valued and appreciated, to those I could always ask some of their snack and yellow pad, to those who support my business and helps me to raise it, to those who became my storage of feelings and secrets... The list in just endless. Main point is that, I really am just grateful that they've been part of my life. You all know who you are. ♥


 MANAGEMENT OF THE MANDATORY
Many people have noticed that I lost weight in the earlier weeks in DLS-HSI. Well, who would not? With the stairs we have to climb everyday and the size of the university itself is more than enough for those who's eager to trim dowm some fats without adding the pace of every discussion and activies! It was really exhausting and would surely force you to resort to eating just to be fuel-ed up and to carry on with the day. No wonder, after I've reached tolerance over things, tragically, I started to increase in weight again. -.-

By the first few weeks, how pressuring the life of a college student nearly burned down every energy that I have. It was a long time until I got used of sitting still in 3 hours of discussion. Deep sighs that I heaved were countless especially when our professor would advance in a speed, expecting that all of us already mastered that subject while still in highschool. Everything really winded me up.

As to what I've experienced, I can say that it will still take me long until I fully get control over things. I haven't get rid of my highschool attitude yet and haven't totally got the hang of college.

eyelids threatening to fall
bed constantly there to make its call
oh! the joy of resting and in comfort to roll
but no, i have my dreams bigger than the largest ball

 Following are my grades for prelim:
PE- 93 (I really enjoy this subject! Despite of the muscle pain from constant body movements, it's fun!)
TFN- 83.7 (I'm considering myself lucky for getting a line of 8. Not everyone did as we have required.)
Psychology- 88.5 (honestly, that surprised me a bit.)
ReEd- 92 (The only subject which makes sense and which we could carry as we go on with life.)
Filipino- 85.48 (I dont know. I spend most of my drawing/doodling instead of listening)
English- 91.05 (Some may voice out some funny criticism about our prof but I just love literature!)
Math- 86.38 (Bummer. Math is something I'll never have a chance with. Thank God that we wont have it anymore next sem!)
NSTP- 86 (I never thought I'd start to love it in midterm. COMMUNITY SERVICE!)
Chem Lab- 86 (Same with Math)
Chem Lec- 88.7 (I like this one a bit. Our professor is witty and not to mention, cute.)

Midterm grades aren't out yet but I'll update you ASAP, promise.
Wish me luck.


A CRASH THAT CREATED THIS CRUSH

since the day you captured my attention
you made me fall into infatuation
but no, you'll never see through my vision
never you will know you're my only addiction.

wont say anymore. mahirap na :))


THE PROMISE OF PASSION TO PRIORITIES
9 and half years from now and I, hopefully, will be a Medical Doctor and at the same time, a Registered Nurse. After having my hard-earned and prestigious license on my hands, I'll pursue yet another degree on journalism to lastly satisfy the real desire of my heart. From then on, I'll never stop to write about various things and my knowledge would be broad enough to make better use of my freedom of expression. With my belief that endeavor would never meet an end, I'll strive hard for the breakthrough of Philippines literary.

Occasionally, I'll take a break and would go out to see the rest of the world with my loved ones. No matter where would I'll be destined, never will I fail to remember to spread out the words of the Lord. With my best effort, I'll enlighten and inspire as many as I can, all Glory to God.

 My heart would never ache again by seeing homeless and fortune-deprived people on the street. Once I'm already financially stable, I'll use my extra money for the sake of those people. I'll raise as much charities as I can for the poor, illiterate, sick and the aged.

Maybe at this point I'm completely clueless on actually how, but when that time come, I'll give my best to turn this world into a better place to live in. Yet as of now, I hope you guys would pray for me to pass chem and math first and be admitted to second sem. LOL

PS
I also wishe to run my own business someday. And a band, and be a professional skateboard-er, too.
#LIBRELANGANGMANGARAP

As of the moment,

my entire world is more similar to a wobbled snow globe. An incident suddenly turned it over, letting all of the bits and pieces of my life to be collected on the top then quickly was inverted. The only thing distinctive to me is that, everything is not falling down gently and it isn't all about snow and glitters, neither. Instead, gush of anxieties and restlessness is what is swirling madly in my consciousness.

And yes, I'm referring to my post before this. Despite of my friends warm comfort about it, and especially how protective and supportive my mother has been, I still feel a bit dreadful towards the possible capacity of our skeptic proctor to reprimand us. Well umm, maybe not really. In fact, to know in ourselves that we're not guilty of the change makes me somehow, confident. It is just that... that the day before that... what if... what if... what if.


Ohhh Jam, just drop it off, will you? Everything's gonna be fine. You just have to believe that it will.

ohhh please, how dare you to accuse us of something we were not even conscious about! the only thing that i could suggest is that next time, with the best of your capabilities, please, i mean really! PLEASE try to be senseful, alright? you could not just point your fingers out to anyone, you stupid lil cockroach. :|

Attached in this entry is the incident report that was required from us after our proctor's very foolish, fuck-based accusations. After midterm exam, all I believed is that everything would fall back to its places and I could be relaxed again. But turns out that none of my expectations were right at all. Oh geez! This day has been long enough for me to go into every gory details. Just allow my why-are-we,-the-guilty-ones-were-even-fucking-required-of-this incident report to narrate it all.

Sept 07 2011

           This is to explain what really happened during our Theoretical Foundations in Nursing Midterm examination yesterday, July 07 2011. 

           I was almost done answering the examination and was just analyzing every tricky questions that I have skipped when I placed my answer sheet on my lap in a face down position with my name on the top. Strange as it may sound but having my feet rested on the chair in front of me and my answer sheet on the said location somehow made me comfortable and relaxed for after of what seems like an hour in a stationary, hunched-back position. It was all just for a couple of minutes and I then straightened up and returned to a normal posture. 

            To me, everything was normal not until our proctor came near me to say, “Next time, never allow anybody else to copy from you.” I wasn’t sure how she exactly put it, though. She asked for my name and from then on, I was barely able to concentrate to what I was doing. I was really confused and disturbed for what she have said for I have totally no idea what she was talking about.
    Lianne Laureta and I were asked to remain and when the room was totally emptied, how shocked I was by her false belief nearly left me speechless. I never thought that from a simple, unconscious actions, she could derive such suspicions. Lianne and I didn’t had any form of communication since the exam begun. There was no even eye contact or anything. We were simply just minding our own business. 

    Proctors may have their every right to straighten up any inappropriate quirky attitude of their students. But as to those pupils who were not guilty of the charge, what could be more excruciating than being suspected of something you were not even aware of? Some of my actions may have claimed by our proctor to be suspicious, but with all of my heart, I hereby say that nothing were more than intentional. With all of the honesty I could juice out from my entire being, I, Jamille Cañano were focusing to nothing else but just my paper and all the actions that I may have done were, as I repeat, unconscious.
I hope this explanation could be enough to enlighten and clear what really have happened.

MADNESSSSSSS.