PROCRASTINATION AT ITS BEST.

Kung tutuusin, matagal ko na sanang tapos tong mga requirements namin lalong lalo na at walang solving, walang equations, walang numbers. All that you have to equip with you is your thoughts and your writing skills. And knowing that writing is something that I enjoy to do the most, I can't see any trouble coming in my way.

But I guess I looked down to the situation too low. I forgot to consider those distractions and my bad traits that are attached to it. Instead of indulging myself to the world where my emotions and opinions creatively form a fruit from my labour, I can find myself wasting hours and days, switching from one tab to another. Laziness, procrastination, with the strong mix of internet addiction. Indeed a fruitless weekend, that is.

And no matter how my conscious brain command my entire being to gather up myself and to start in being productive, I still always take the same path to procrastination and cramming.

I really just hate it. How in the name of Merlin’s beard could I expect myself to be a RN., MD someday if simple tasks such as this keep on being delayed? Nothing is impossible, I know. But if my performance would be rated for this sem, my dream of becoming a Dean’s lister is totally incongruous.

I became too happy-go-lucky. I lack a lot in prioritizing, time management and self-discipline. Oh well, consequences are already there, all ready to welcome me. I may be incapable of changing the past but I could surely change myself, can’t I?

And I will. I really will, starting next sem. *PROCRASTINATION, AGAIN* But as of now, gaaaaaah! Just one more replay of SuJu’s Super Man MV, please? :3

Now please tell me HOW.

I'am trying not to dwell much on that melodiously sweet moment. Because no, never will I allow any piece of him to manipulate my attention and my heartbeat ever again. After all of my efforts in diverting my uncontrollable emotions, I just cant take it to watch as my walls to be broken down and be trespassed by his memories for a second time around. I have to be firm and rooted safely to where I stand and to not to permit his confusing actions to sweep me off my feet for once more.

I cant even dare to recall of that time for surely once I've started, to stop would be my biggest dilemma. But oh gosh, how could I not? How am I supposed to block him out... When he is all I want to think about?

AMBIVALENCE(n):

- The state of having simultaneous, sometimes conflicting feelings towards something-like feeling happy and sad at the same time.

I am happy, really happy that semestral break is nearly there and just more few obstacles and I'll be flying back to Saudi Arabia, to be finally ceased from all of exertion and be refreshed in every way. Thou in prior to my anticipations are fear and sadness. Opposition of feelings is present and I just don't like how it feels. I may have typed this thing for a million of times already, but the pain doesn't even seem to waver. Having the awareness that we, BSN1-2, will be reshuffled next sem somehow decreases my overall happiness for the ending of the first sem. :'(

Chances aren't that high for us to be united in a one section again for the second sem. As of now, we only have 2 days left. I don't know what to feel anymore. Part of me is already all sore from yelling and complaining about all of the stress and pressure but the other half still wants to cling more to every second.

There's only one thing for sure. That I'll forever be truly, madly and crazily in love with my college first loves. <8

A Paddling Project to my Personality

The times that I’m having a very strong urge to write could never be numbered. As a matter of fact, a pen and papers, yes, hundred reams of it, are always there, calling and yelling and screaming out of the way I disregard them. I always wanted to write down my everyday life but what I fear is that I’ll come to a point when I start to over-analyze things, again. Writing feels inexplicably wonderful and next to eating, it is personally in my list of the things that I love and enjoy to do the most. To become a well-known writer is my ultimate dream but how could I if I cant even face and cherish the wonders of every emotions that I have?

To this, I propose a preliminary action. In the strictest sense, no day has to pass without a blog entry about it. I have to be open about myself and start to entertain my thoughts more. I have to befriend and get to know myself more and more as day pass by. It is of massive importance for the Implementation of this idea to start NOW.